You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You pole danced in your parka.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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