Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
