Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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