dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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