we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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