are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
