If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
