if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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