How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
