There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
