1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
