i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
