I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
