they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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