Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
