so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
