Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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