Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
