were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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