im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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