WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
