I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
