I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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