Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
