Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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