i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My ATM looks so different sober.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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