I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
