She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
