Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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