We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
