woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
