I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
