I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
