dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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