oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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