I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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