so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
