I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
