So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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