I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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