hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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