it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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