how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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