I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
