His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
