He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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