I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
