Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
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