My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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