dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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