why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
