burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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