if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
