And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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